Friday, March 2, 2012

Sugar & Spice!

It's a girl!! And we are over the moon in love already!!
It was a very strange sensation after so much much anticipation, to be lying on the table with the goo on my belly, knowing in just moments we would finally know the sex of our baby. It was so overwhelming in fact I completely freaked out. I started to shake and nervously laugh, I had tears streaming down my eyes and I started to feel a little dizzy. I have no idea what came over me! I didn't want to miss seeing Youme on the monitor but I was scared to find out the sex right then so I only peeked in and out.
I think it all became very real. I have been very blessed with a very easy (knock on wood) pregnancy, and like I said before it's all seemed like a dream, but right then at that moment it suddenly hit me - we are freaking having a baby!!!
When the ultrasound tech was done measuring and reassuring us that everything looked the way it should, she asked us if we wanted to know the sex. It was killing me that someone on this earth knew and we didn't. But we had her write it down and put it in an envelope so we could find out whenever we wanted. It seemed like such a huge moment, I didn't want to be half naked in a dark room with a stranger... I wanted it to be just Pete and I.
We went from the ultrasound to our Midwife appointment where we got to hear Youme's heartbeat again. That little thump always puts my fears to rest. I told our midwife my concerns about feeling a little disconnect to Youme at this point because I have been feeling so great. She told me because of the placement of my uterus that it was going to be difficult to feel any movement for a while. I was 18 1/2 weeks at the time and hadn't felt anything yet. She said it may even be a month or more before I could feel something for sure. Sad face.
Knowing that it may be another month before I felt Youme definitely pushed me to want to know the sex. I really wanted something to connect me. Pete and I went out to Las Olas because even though I couldn't feel Youme kick, I could feel her craving for Mexican. We sat in a corner booth and gorged ourselves on amazing food. Half way through I stopped with a mouth full of Guacamole and grabbed the envelope. "I need to know!" I managed to blurt out with a full mouth. I don't know what hit me but I needed to know right then and there.
I opened the envelope and held a tiny yellow post it in my clutched fist. I started to cry and uncontrollably shake. I didn't think I could do it. It felt like being one number away from learning you won the lottery or how I felt opening my college acceptance letters. And yet it was also the way I felt before I jumped off the cliffs on Squirrel Island for the first time - Completely freaking out and a little pukey.
Pete had to pry my fingers open one by one and then I had to find the strength to open my eyes. And there is was. "It's a girl!!" was staring back at us from the face of a little yellow post it. We both cried and hugged and ignored the crazy looks of the Las Olas customers.
Instantly I felt a connection to Youme. It was what I was waiting for. And it is a memory that we will cherish forever. Every time I eat a taco I'll think of the moment we found out we were having a little girl. A few weeks has passed and every day I feel closer to her. I love that we can refer to the baby with "shes" and "hers" instead of "its". And now the nursery is taking off with splashes of pink, at Pete's request.
Since that day I have been feeling flutters and swirls and all sorts of strange things goin on and I know it's our little girl. Last week Pete actually got to feel her for himself and that was pretty amazing. It was such a moment finally having something for Pete to conect to. He always talks and reads to her but when he felt that little jump his face went white and I knew that he would never be the same. This ain't no joke! It's an odd sensation, I think I had been waiting for a "Kick" but really it feels like a tiny roller coaster! Like driving over a tiny hill to make your tummy flip a little. Or sometimes it feels like sloshing, almost like moving your hand in waves in water or a ball within a ball. I guess that makes sense, seeing as she is basically chillaxin in a ball of water. But everytime I feel those sensations, it does bring me closer. I wonder if she is stretching or dancing. If she is scared or hungry. I just can't wait to get to know our little girl... and Pete will not win the fight on names. No way am I carrying Lorraine Brocco Jr.
What the Hell is wrong with my name?

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Phoebe or Phoebo?

Our little Youme is growing by the day! And very soon we will be able to tell if it's a little Pete or a little Katie! At first I thought without question that we wanted to know. But as the weeks passed I began to doubt if I wanted to. First off I can say that I have no real preference. That makes it seem like I don't care. What I mean is I would LOOOOOVE a boy or a girl!! I hope to have both at some point. So because I have no burning desire for one or the other, why should I find out?
Its been a really strange 18 weeks and it's still hard to believe that we are going to be parents. I love the idea of a surprise but really I think I need to know in order to bond a little better with what's going on. Right now I just feel fat. Not pregnant or motherly. Just fat. I have no symptoms (thank God) and I have not felt any movement yet so really this all just kind of seems like a big joke that everyone is in on to get me to lay off he wine.
I don't have a strong feeling either way. No hunches or strange dreams. I have taken a million gender prediction quizzes and they keep flip flopping. My Chinese Gender chart says girl most of the time but then on different sites will switch to boy. We tried the ring on a string and it twirled and sawyed at the same time so God knows what that means...
I feel like once I can put a gender to lil' Youme, it will all start to feel more real. I know once I start to feel kicks it will be real, but this is something I can know now! Plus my sister is preggo too and she is keeping it a secret, so I figured my Dad should have at least one heads up! It's so crazy to think about though.
I know there is pretty much a 50/50 chance and only two options but really for some reason the possibilities seem endless! I have reasons for wanting both so I know I will be happy either way.
I have raised over 30 children and boys are by far waaaaay easier than girls, especially when they are little. I have really fallen in love with every little boy I have nannied for and have a very special bond with them. I have always been more of a "guys girl" than a "girly girl" I just get along better with boys I guess. And my Mother in law already has two granddaughters so I would love to give her a Grandson. But boy names are allot harder to come up with. And if it was a boy I fear for every pregnancy I would be worried that I would never have a girl. I could have 500 boys, I just need one girl.
On the flip side, just the thought of a baby girl makes me feel gooey inside. Lord knows I already have the cutest clothes for her ready to go! We have a list a mile long of girls names we like. If Youme was a girl I could sit back and relax for the other pregnancies knowing I already had the one girl. And though it may seem a little hippy dippy, I really feel like my mom's presence is so strong now. And even though I know she will be a part of the baby no matter what, having it be a girl sort of solidifies that a bit more for me. My relationship with my Mom was cut way too short and raising a daughter, in way makes me feel like I'm getting some of that time back. The Mother/Daughter relationship really is like no other. And plus I feel like I deserve whatever I have coming to me haha I was an awful child and an even worse teenager so I need to pay for my sins and the only that way that's happening is with a daughter haha
So we shall see!! I know knowing will really put this whole experience into perspective for me and help me visualize. And I can't wait to add some gender specific things to my lists and to the nursery ideas. But who knows I could always change my mind at the last minute and decide to keep it a surprise. We'll know eventually if little Youme is a Phoebe or a Phoebo, a Sandrine or a Darwin. Any Friends fans out there? Maybe we'll just call Youme "Chandler" regardless of the sex. All we are care about is that it's happy and healthy... and cute... and smart... and popular... with an aptitude for science...
"Do I Look Like a Rain or a Dayton? God I hope my parents have better taste..."