Friday, March 2, 2012

Sugar & Spice!

It's a girl!! And we are over the moon in love already!!
It was a very strange sensation after so much much anticipation, to be lying on the table with the goo on my belly, knowing in just moments we would finally know the sex of our baby. It was so overwhelming in fact I completely freaked out. I started to shake and nervously laugh, I had tears streaming down my eyes and I started to feel a little dizzy. I have no idea what came over me! I didn't want to miss seeing Youme on the monitor but I was scared to find out the sex right then so I only peeked in and out.
I think it all became very real. I have been very blessed with a very easy (knock on wood) pregnancy, and like I said before it's all seemed like a dream, but right then at that moment it suddenly hit me - we are freaking having a baby!!!
When the ultrasound tech was done measuring and reassuring us that everything looked the way it should, she asked us if we wanted to know the sex. It was killing me that someone on this earth knew and we didn't. But we had her write it down and put it in an envelope so we could find out whenever we wanted. It seemed like such a huge moment, I didn't want to be half naked in a dark room with a stranger... I wanted it to be just Pete and I.
We went from the ultrasound to our Midwife appointment where we got to hear Youme's heartbeat again. That little thump always puts my fears to rest. I told our midwife my concerns about feeling a little disconnect to Youme at this point because I have been feeling so great. She told me because of the placement of my uterus that it was going to be difficult to feel any movement for a while. I was 18 1/2 weeks at the time and hadn't felt anything yet. She said it may even be a month or more before I could feel something for sure. Sad face.
Knowing that it may be another month before I felt Youme definitely pushed me to want to know the sex. I really wanted something to connect me. Pete and I went out to Las Olas because even though I couldn't feel Youme kick, I could feel her craving for Mexican. We sat in a corner booth and gorged ourselves on amazing food. Half way through I stopped with a mouth full of Guacamole and grabbed the envelope. "I need to know!" I managed to blurt out with a full mouth. I don't know what hit me but I needed to know right then and there.
I opened the envelope and held a tiny yellow post it in my clutched fist. I started to cry and uncontrollably shake. I didn't think I could do it. It felt like being one number away from learning you won the lottery or how I felt opening my college acceptance letters. And yet it was also the way I felt before I jumped off the cliffs on Squirrel Island for the first time - Completely freaking out and a little pukey.
Pete had to pry my fingers open one by one and then I had to find the strength to open my eyes. And there is was. "It's a girl!!" was staring back at us from the face of a little yellow post it. We both cried and hugged and ignored the crazy looks of the Las Olas customers.
Instantly I felt a connection to Youme. It was what I was waiting for. And it is a memory that we will cherish forever. Every time I eat a taco I'll think of the moment we found out we were having a little girl. A few weeks has passed and every day I feel closer to her. I love that we can refer to the baby with "shes" and "hers" instead of "its". And now the nursery is taking off with splashes of pink, at Pete's request.
Since that day I have been feeling flutters and swirls and all sorts of strange things goin on and I know it's our little girl. Last week Pete actually got to feel her for himself and that was pretty amazing. It was such a moment finally having something for Pete to conect to. He always talks and reads to her but when he felt that little jump his face went white and I knew that he would never be the same. This ain't no joke! It's an odd sensation, I think I had been waiting for a "Kick" but really it feels like a tiny roller coaster! Like driving over a tiny hill to make your tummy flip a little. Or sometimes it feels like sloshing, almost like moving your hand in waves in water or a ball within a ball. I guess that makes sense, seeing as she is basically chillaxin in a ball of water. But everytime I feel those sensations, it does bring me closer. I wonder if she is stretching or dancing. If she is scared or hungry. I just can't wait to get to know our little girl... and Pete will not win the fight on names. No way am I carrying Lorraine Brocco Jr.
What the Hell is wrong with my name?