Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I Heart Jim Henson

Christmas is when I miss Jim the most. I still remember when I found out the day he died. I was working on a short story about my guinie pig in Mrs, Lawless's 3rd grade class. It was a sad day. Luckily we can all feel his magic through our furry little friends the Muppets. My childhood would have been VERY different without them, in fact I think my whole life would be different with out the joy and wisdom they have provided me. Every Christmas my sister and I watch The Muppet Family Christmas. Its not only one of my favorite Christmas Movies, but a favorite muppet movie in general because they bring in all the big guns! Muppets, Sesame Street AND The Fraggles, it can't be beat. But alas this year we won't be watching out for the icey patch or routing for big bird to get away from the Sweedish Chef. Her only copy is from Japan and her fancy dancy DVD player broke. It's like Jim has died all over again. Sigh.
Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas!! This is one of my all time favorites! I used to sing the song at the end at the top of my lungs in my room, convinced I would be in a Broadway Production of it. Emmet and Ma are just about the cutest muppets ever made, next to PePe of course. Ever since Pa died they have had to sell theur things and work every job possible just to survive. But Dammit they have heart! So when the town puts on a talent competition with a top prize of $50 they risk everything for the chance of winning. It probably wouldn't be hard except for The Riverbottom Gang and their leader Chuck. A bunch of street toughs with killer electrical instruments and a fish tank in their car! What will happen to Ma and Emmet?? You'll have to watch it because its one of THE BEST Christmas movies AND Muppet Movies out there! And you'll want to put the little frog mayor in your pocket he is so damn adorable! "Our World Says Welcome Stranger, everybody's A friend, Favorite Stories Don't End. Welcome Brother To Our World." Ima sing that song all day!
Now when Jim died, the soul of the muppets died with him. try as they might, they will never be the same. In the past years there have been some real crappy excuses for Muppet Movies. A Very Merry Muppet Movie is one that rides the fence. It has all the guidlines of a muppet movie; snappy music, quippy responses, celebrity guests and a happy ending. But its missing that UMPH that made the Muppets so Magical. That being said, this movie did give us one of God's finest creations... Peppy The King Prong. This sexy little shrimp has sanced his way into my favorite muppets list. He has a fabulous Spanish accent, a lust for the ladies and he is so freaking cute I could eat him. He ends 90% of his sentences with "okay" and is constantly messing up the names of things. Without Peppy, this movie would not be worth seeing. Joan Cusack plays the bad guy well, she is trying to shut down the Muppets theatre and turn it into a nightclub. She plays Peppy like a Spanish Flute to get the information she needs. Kermit and the muppets are trying everything they can and losing hope. So David Arquette, who really should find another day job, plays an angel that begs God - played by Whoopi Goldberg, to help out kermit. Its very "It's a wonderful life" and there are some good moments. But just looking at Whoopi gives me a migrane and the story isnt as solid as it could be. But I Can not get enough of that Saucey lil' prawn, okay?

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Twice Upon My Feelings Would Best Be Expressed...

See you can't just add "Twice Upon" to continue something. But if Kathy Ireland can do it, so can I. Now where were we? Ah yes. Made for TV Cheese. As much as I love that ones that are so awful they are fabulous, I really love the ones that actually get me to cry. That's what they are all going for and every once in a while they actually succeed in telling an honest genuine story of love or hope. In The Christmas Hope Patricia and Mark Addison are struggling in their marriage after the loss of their teenage son to a car accident. Patricia is a social worker and day in and day out has to place children in foster and state homes. One night right before Christmas a little girl named Emily finds out her mother is not coming home because she was hit by a car. It's so close to the holidays that they can't find her a foster home and her dead beat uncle just wants an insurance check, so Patricia takes her into her home until she can find a place for Emily. Meanwhile Ian Ziering (Yup) is a Doctor and he and his prego wife are going through old junk and finds a small wrapped gift that he thought he had lost. A few years ago a teenage boy came into his OR and dropped it as he was being rushed to surgery. It was the first patient he ever lost and he vowed to give that gift to the boys parents. Seeing a connection?? Anyway I can't give it away because I really do recommend this one. The acting is honest (Even Ian) The sentiment is real and it definitely brought some tears. But most of all it does what these cheesy specials are supposed to; make you feel the spirit of Christmas and reflect on how grateful you are for friends and family. Oh the mother's special gift will kill you!
Nobody Puts Baby In Corner!! But you CAN give her a nose job and put her in a Christmas Lifetime movie with an ending like NO OTHER made for TV movie out there I can assure you! The Road To Christmas stars Jennifer Grey and that cute guy from the TV show with Elaine from Sienfeld! Its the story of Claire who is a fashion photographer about to get married to a billionaire Italian guy that EVERYONE warns her about. There are some fun little parts like the models and the nail lady all telling stories of how Italian men have scorned them. It really sets you up for what you KNOW is going to happen. A snow storm hits and Claire can't get to Colorado. She is desperate and takes planes trains and trucks filled with immegrents in an attempt to get there. Finally she ends up hitching a ride with Tom and his daughter Hilly, who Obvisously lost the woman in their life. OBVISOULSY. So they have a wacky road trip filled with fights and car problems and craziness and somewhere between here and there a little sumthin sumthin starts to spark between Claire and Tom. Eventually Tom gets Claire to her fiance in time for the wedding and WHAM! A christmas movie first.... You'll have to watch it to find out the dirt! Jennifer Grey does a great job, I mean she had 20 years to prepare for it so Im not surprised.

My Feelings Would Best Be Expressed...

In This Monologue From The Made For TV Movie... Fill in the blank...starring...fill in the blank. Oh made for TV movies, what would I do without you? Christmas is the best because it's the one time of year Pete let's me watch them. Turn on Hallmark, ABC Family or Lifetime pretty much anytime during December and you will see some of THE BEST examples of fine American writing and acting. Now I'm not talking about the true lifetime movies, the ones based on real events, those are actually good. I'm talking about the type of poof that took a whole hour to write! The scenario that is tweaked merely by whether or not the mother is dead or dying. Whether its a lawyer or an out of work lawyer. These movies prove that really all you have to do is throw the word Santa or Christmas into any movie scenario and there you have it! Or you could just smoke a bunch of salvia sit in front of the ol' cpu and see what comes out. Either way, it's a guilty pleasure I'm not all that ashamed of. However they are really affecting my goal at watching "Christmas Movies" every night, because these made for TVers are like crack. They come on one after the other and Its really hard to stop. Really hard. So far we have been blessed with Once Upon A Christmas starring none other than Kathy Ireland. Anyone lucky enough to have seen Alien From L.A. knows just how special a performance she can deliver. And wow does She deliver, a head ache. God made you pretty Kathy, why push it? Just keep your mouth shut and look pretty. Whoever told you you had talent beyond standing in a bathing suit was either high or trying to sleep with you. Or Both. In Once Upon a Christmas Santa has decided that the world is too naughty and no longer deserve presents. But his youngest daughter Kristen (Oscar nominated Kathy Ireland) begs him to change his mind. She heads down to earth to help a family that's on the naughty list. Don't really know what kind of fucked up sense of humor Santa has but this family is a widower and two children that lost their mother. And yeah they are a little spoiled but the Dad doesn't know what else to do, he tries to give them anything they want because he knows they lost everything. And that apparently makes them naughty. Anyway Kristen gets all up in their business with her whiny little voice and confusion about where to put her hands when talking. However Kristen's older, evil sister Rudolpha is lurking around using magic to make her fail, she thinks Christmas is a joke. For some reason they all go for a drive in the middle of nowhere and Rudolpha sends a deer into the road to make them crash and they end yup having to spend the night in a cabin that sets on fire. The Dad almost dies and Kristen gives her immortality to save him but now she can't remember who she is. So she moves in with the family and eventually the dad purposes but shes all "no I have to find out who I am" Then the kids see an add to buy a piece of The North Pole on TV. Rudolpha has been selling The North pole piece by piece so she can put up a hotel/casino. Once the piece of the North Pole arrives, Kristen sees it and starts to have flash backs... Of the FIRST MOVIE! My God, I thought this was the longest movie on earth, oh no, it was two movies. Right after the fire Once upon A Christmas ends and Twice Upon a Christmas starts. So basically they have to play them back to back because Once has no ending and Twice has no beginning but they are both equally awful. Long story short the family goes back to the North Pole, saves Christmas and Kathy Ireland becomes one of the Craigslist Killer Victims. Don't I get a Christmas Wish? Cut. It. Out. No really, cut it out. Who told Dave Coulier he was allowed to come out of hiding after Full House? He stars in The Family Holiday as Doc Holiday, a sleazy con man. doc finds out that his only family, a rich uncle, has passed away and left his entire estate to Doc. Of course there are conditions. He has to prove to the wills executor that he has abandoned his nasty ways and that he is a family man. While he is searching for a real job and place to live he bumps into some run away kids who's parents were just killed in a car accident. The state wants to split them up so they decide to pretend to be Doc's kids in order to stay together. They all eat allot of pizza and attempt to con an out of work teacher into being their nanny and eventual fake mother. The executor comes to visit a few times and things get wacky. Doc starts to fall for his fake wife and eventually through the spirit of Christmas and the hope of millions of dollars they become a real fake family. The Family Holiday teaches us all the importance of fraud and stealing kids. It also makes you feel better about having pizza for dinner multiple nights in a row. One of our favorite sitcom moms, Patricia Heaton stars in A Town Without Christmas, not to be confused with The Town Christmas Forgot. Very Different stories. Here Mama Heaton plays a M.J. a single reporter with an eye and ear for a good story. But since she is single, pathetic and without family, her boss sends her to Washington over Christmas to cover a story that people with real lives won't. Brace yourself... A suicide note to Santa. Yup. Nothing says Christmas like Child Suicide. Young Chris has a hard life and his parents are getting a divorce and have no money so he asks Santa to take him from this world so he won't be a bother. Chris's note has rocked the nation and reporters from far and wide come to this sleepy town to find the boy before he can hurt himself. M.J. finds herself running around with David, a writer who came back to his hometown to search for some inspiration. Together they try to uncover the story of Chris and in the process uncover a relationship. Oh wait, it's not that simple. I don;t want to give it away because if you can follow it all, it's actually a good story. But this town also doesn't have enough money to put on a Christmas pageant (I don't get how much money one can cost, aren't they meant to make money?) and people are losing jobs left and right. Our writer friend was sent an anonymous collection of paintings that somehow are telling the future and leading him to the truth. Oh and best of all, Peter Falk keeps popping up in random places as random people. I love those crazy eyes and scratchy voice! It's entertaining and also a bit discombobulated. But Patricia Heaton is at her best when yelling at said husband on said prime time network. Sorry M.J.

A Christmas Cheese Contest!!

We all know them, and even if you don't want to admit it, we all love them... Made for TV Holiday Movies! They are sprinkled with dead mothers, car accidents, lawyers and Christmas Spirit. With so many how can we tell them all apart? Take this quiz! There are two ways to win! To play, all you have to do is sign on to follow my blog. Then you must leave a comment about your favorite Christmas movie or best observation (i.e. I realized that A Year Without Santa is merely the fight between science and religion) Best comment or observation wins a prize! Then, Take The Christmas Cheese Quiz. Match up the name of the Made for TV movie with it's cable description - And NO CHEATING! It's Christmas Dammit. first one to get the most right wins a prize! Contest open until Thursday Dec.23rd at 7:00pm. Good Luck!!
The Christmas Cheese Quiz!
1.Golden Christmas 2. Holiday In Handcuffs 3. Christmas Cupid 4. Chasing Christmas 5. Santa Who? 6. Marry Me 7. An Old Fashioned Christmas 8. Karroll's Christmas 9. Comfort and Joy 10. The Family Holiday 11. Christmas In Boston 12. A Road To Christmas 13. The Christmas Shoes 14. The Christmas Blessing 15. The Christmas Hope 16. Borrowed Hearts 17. Holiday Switch 18. Eve's Christmas 19. Once Upon A Christmas 20. Twice Upon A Christmas 21. The Christmas Clause 22. Undercover Christmas 23. A Town Without Christmas 24. The Christmas Child 25. The Christmas Caper A. Two very different families are intertwined at Christmas. A lawyer so consumed with work he neglects his own family and a son who's mother is dying of a fatal heart ailment collide to find the true meaning of Christmas. B. On Christmas Eve, a high powered exec's guardian angel offers her a chance to live her life again with a different spin. C. With the holidays approaching, two love struck men fall for the same girl, but when her ex-boyfriend shows up seeking to rekindle the lost flame of love, the situation goes from bad to worse. D.Gina and Seth have been pen pals since age 15 and have created a lifelong friendship based on letters and photographs of other people. Now adults, they have the chance to meet. Both of them too nervous and ashamed, they send their best friends in their place. E. As A young boy Nathan lost his mother. Now grown up and a medical resident, Nathan has lost his first patient and his world begins to crumble. He begins to question God, fate and the fragility of life all while hoping for another Christmas Miracle. F. With only days before the festivities of Christmas arrive, an influential and bad tempered publicist in Hollywood is given the shock of her life when a deceased former client takes her on a time-sparring journey of her past romances. G. Santa's youngest daughter comes down to earth to help a family who is on the naughty list. Meanwhile Santa's eldest daughter is plotting to ruin Christmas. H. After a heist goes wrong, a professional thief hides out in her hometown when her sister needs help watching her kids. As she plots out the neighborhood for her next big hit, the small town magic creeps in and she begins to think that maybe a crime-free Christmas is just what she needs. I. A materialistic, working woman is involved in a car accident on Christmas Eve that changes her life forever. She wakes up to realize that she is the mother of two and the only work she has beyond house work is volunteer. J. A thriving fashion photographer is set to be married in a few days. But when a snow storm affects the entire Rocky Mountain region, she is forced to hitch hike to Colorado with a widower and his teenage daughter. K. The youngest daughter of Santa has fallen in love and married into a family from earth. It's up to the whole family to save The North Pole from her elder sister who wants to turn it into a hotel/casino. Still. L. A selfish con man must prove he is a family man to inherit his uncle's estate. As he tried to put together a scam family he realizes that he may just want a real one. M. An artist who works as a waitress blows an important job interview and gets dumped by her boyfriend. Worried about disappointing her parents at Christmas, she kidnaps a customer at work and introduces him as her fiance. N. The story of how a life sized Nativity scene help a man find his true identity and lost family at Christmas. O. Jake is an uptight FBI agent is assigned to protect Brandi, a lower-class waitress who recently helped the tax fraud investigation of her billionaire boyfriend. When Jake's parents unexpectedly call him home for Christmas he must bring Brandi and pose as a couple. P. When an aspiring writer and her wealthy grandmother travel to Ireland to get her work published, they meet a family who are in desperate need of her fortune. they try to make her fall in love so they can inherit her wealth. Q. When a sled accident leaves Santa with amnesia just days before Christmas, a young boy must help him recover his memory in time for the big day. R. Sam is about to close the biggest deal of his career. But to impress his "family man" boss, Sam hires a single mother and her daughter to pose as his family at Christmas. S. Sophie is a top-rated lawyer with 3 kids and a husband that take up her all time. All of her family and work stress come to a chaotic halt at the shopping mall when she sees Santa and wishes for another life. T. A recently widowed woman decides to return to her childhood home in hopes of making a new beginning for her son. But her plans are impeded when she realizes that the house she grew up in has been purchased by someone else. U. In a small Washington town, a child's suicide letter to Santa Claus captures the attention of the whole nation. a race begins to find the young boy before he can harm himself. V. A social worker who lost her son in a car accident has come across a small girl who's mother has died right before Christmas. With no place to put her for the holidays she invites her into her own home and remembers what it feels like to let love in. W. Since being humiliated by his ex-girlfriend in front of a crowd on Christmas, a man who writes greeting cards for a living, has always hated Christmas but soon learns much about himself as the ghosts of Christmas accidentally haunt the wrong house. X. It's the week before Christmas and Paula is struggling with bills and life with her children and blue collared husband. When a rich ex boyfriend shows up in town Paula makes a Christmas wish to see what her life would be like if she was still with him. She magically transported through her washer/dryer to a world where she is still with her ex. Y. Single dad, Jack has nixed holiday plans since his wife left him on Christmas Eve. but Christmas ghosts help him regain a relationship with his 16 year old daughter.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

For Kids Or Not For Kids? That Is The Question.

Now this one is a toss up. Some say Christmas movie. Some say Halloween Movie. I say who cares this movie kicks ass. Tim Burton and his twisted little mind has done it again in The Nightmare Before Christmas. It's such a brilliant idea! Jack Skellington, Father Halloween if you will, is bored of always doing the same thing every year. Even though he's the best at it, he yearns for something different. He wanders off to think, where he comes upon a grove of trees where each has a different holiday door. He opens the Christmas door and falls in love with the lights and snow and wonder of it all. Then decides to rape and pillage Christmas! It's got amazing music thanks to Danny Elfman and Marilyn Manson. And the voices are top notch thanks to Pee Wee Herman, Uncle Lewis From Christmas Vacation and Prince Humperdink. But it is TERRIFYING! Really, the ghosts and ghouls are awesome and its gross and creepy. Even though it is Disney I would think twice before showing it to some kids, especially sensitive ones with a tendency to wake up in the middle of the night screaming! Jack has become such an iconic figure and the music will get stuck in your brain for holidays to come! A fabulous twist on all this sickening Christmas Joy! Corn Meal, Gun Powder, Ham Hocks and Guitar Strings! What more do you need?! Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer is the longest running Christmas Special on record, and for good reason! Those little claymation misfits warm everyones hearts, and the gentle sounds of Gene Autry bring us all right back to our childhood! But can we put all that mush aside and talk about how F'ed up this movie is?! Poor Rudolph is almost suicidal after being rejected by everybody! His Parents are ashamed, the kids make fun of him, his coach tears him down. He should be the poster child for the "It Will Get Better" Campaign. It's heart breaking that he can't catch a break! And our little Hermey who is "different." He doesn't want to make toys like all the other elves, he wants to be a dentist? Is that what we're calling it these days?! They head off on their adventure and run into the ax licking Yukon (So creepy) who helps them get to the island of misfit toys, which essentially is an insane asylum for toys with anxiety and emotional problems. I'm pretty sure the doll cuts herself. Then eventually Rudolph returns to Santa to help save The misfits and all of Christmas! Oh wait. lets not forget Bumbles who they knock out and rip out his teeth?? Again I say, Children's Movie? Well you can bet your bottom dollar that my kids will be begging to play with a charlie in the box and yelling Laaaaaaaand Hooooooo! And yours should too! Good Grief! Peter and I brought Hurley over to Our good friend's Laura & Eric's House the other night for dinner. While we drank wine and had dippers and swipers Hurley made friends with their dogs! When I told them about my little escapade of Christmas Madness, Eric jumped and said "Have you watched Charlie Brown's Christmas yet?!" And before I could answer we were all cuddled up with our goblets of wine and dogs to watch The Peanuts. Everyone loves this gang, so much so that we never stop to think how messed up poor Charlie is. I know sometimes I get down in the dumps at Christmas but Charlie is legit depressed, and he's a kid's cartoon. What child is that upset over the commercialization of Christmas. What child knows what commercialization is? He's so upset that he visits a psychiatric booth, granted it's his friend Lucy, but most kids play ninjas or with baby dolls, not psychiatrist. Lucy's advice is to direct their pageant. But when he gets there he just can't control everyone and their dancing. Their AWESOME dancing! He thinks if he can get a real tree for the play then the mood will be just right. But when he gets to the Christmas tree lot there is only one small, pitiful "real" tree. Everyone laughs at Charlie Brown when he comes back with a "wooden tree." It's then in utter despair that Linus walks up to Charlie Brown and serves him a giant spoonful of truth in the form of the Gospel of Luke from the King James Version of the Bible. Bible Verses? In a children's show? God Bless them! Couldn't get away with that today. Poor Charlie Brown, but in the end his friends band together and help decorate his tree and they all sing and everything is right again, at least for today. I'll say it again, Good Grief. Shows like Charlie Brown's Christmas not only keep the Christmas spirit alive but also our child-like spirit. It makes us realize the joy in simple things like catching "ripe" snow flakes on our tongues. And it makes us ask important questions like "Do innkeeper's wives have naturally curly hair?" Well Do They?

It's All About Family... The Good, The Bad And The Embarrassing

From the suggestion of an old dear friend, I made Pete watch The Family Stone. He would rather have his toe nails ripped out than be forced to look at Sarah Jessica Parker. But since it's Christmas, he obliged. I had actually seen this movie in the theatres when it first came out. I remember leaving with my friend Marissa, both of us crying and pissed because we didn't know THAT was going to happen. Don't wanna give it away but bring tissues. The bottom line of this movie is that families are messed up and messy. Diane Keaton and Craig T. Nelson are parents to a whole slew of misfits, many that we can relate to; The fuck up, the bitchy for no reason one, the "I'm never leaving home" kid, the perfect to a fault one, the deaf gay one... It's an all star cast and everyone really owns their part in the family which is what makes it all so believable. Basically its the story of the oldest son bringing home his stuffy girlfriend (SJP) for the first time cause he thinks "shes the one" and wants his mothers ring. His family is laid back and honest and the type of family we all want to be a part of. But his girlfriend is soooooo awkward and soooo oppressive that it makes your teeth hurt and naturally the family does not approve. Just when you think you can't handle it any more, Luke Wilson (the fuck up brother) steps in after a particularly nasty fight and gets the girlfriend drunk. It all kinda goes down/up hill from there. It's a great story that I think I will have to add to my mandatory Christmas season collection. I would watch Diane Keaton watch drying paint, she's that good and this is no exception. And just a small warning to anyone part of the dead parent club. They love to throw that in at Christmas.
This movie is a staple for sure. Actually Christmas Vacation is one of the few Christmas movies that I have no problem watching any time of year! We all know and love the Griswolds and I'm sure we all think our families are just like them, but make no mistake. MY family are The Griswolds! This movie is the perfect example of what Christmas should be. The hope and joy we all start off with and the flaming mess it usually becomes! This is one of the most quotable movies on earth ( I don't need to sit here and relay them to you.) and I can still hear my father's laughter as Clark steps on that board in the pull down attic and gets hit in the head. Love it. Cousin Eddy is the perfect illustration of "that side of the family". We all have some, somewhere. But you know what? At the end of it all, after the leaking presents, charred turkey, and police attack, it's Eddy that saves the day. Because as screwed up as he is, he's all heart. And that's family. I'm sure at some point in our childhood we all wished that we could run away. I used to pack a bag and write the note and fall asleep with the plan of getting up before anyone woke up. And wouldn't they be sorry when I was gone, and wouldn't they wish they could change it all to just have me back. But the reality was I always slept late and woke up with my mother sitting by bed waiting with a hug - and then it never seemed so bad. But I feel for Kevin. As a middle child I do know what it's like to be overlooked or to feel not as special. In Home Alone 2 Lost In New York, our favorite little movie quoting, trouble maker is back. Not sure why I watched this one first, maybe because it was on TV. But it is one of the rare instances where the sequel is as good, if not better than the original! Once again Kevin gets in a fight with his family and once again he gets split up from them at Christmas, this time in New York City. You feel for him, family can drive you nuts and embarrass you and make you want to scream. But we're stuck with them and we love them, though it is nice to get a break and that's what Kevin gets. So now he's shacked up at The Plaza with his Dad's credit card! I love how independent and fearless this 8 year old is but I can't stand how he talks like he's in Dawson's Creek. No kid talks like that. This movie gives you everything you need; laughs, Christmas cheer and perfect pandemonium, along with a homeless bird lady that resembles Susan Boyle! And I always remember my mother telling me that she lived on the street where Kevin sets up his house of horrors, so that's always fun to watch and think of. Of course Kevin gets the bad guys and all is right in the world once he is back in his mother's arms. The love/hate relationship Kevin had with his mother was very similar to my own relationship with my mother before she passed. We fought like world war three but in the end we were all each other needed. Christmas is definitely the time to be thankful for family, especially because they keep life interesting!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Ho Ho Holy Crap There's Alot Of Christmas Movies!

Well we're off to a pretty good start! We wanted this experience to be a mixture of our Christmas favorites, lifetime cheese, and oldies but goodies. So We started with some cheese. Well no, not exactly, this was so awful it was beyond cheese. The Town Christmas Forgot. Otherwise known as "The Movie Katie Will TRY to Forget." A thrilling story, a rich family's car breaks down in the middle of Nowhere. Literally, the town is called Nowhere. As the fake styrofoam snow beats at their windshield they wait with only their complete lack of acting ability to keep them warm. Then some large black man comes out of the darkness and brings them into town. The family matriarch miss Lauren Holly is the only noticeable actor in the movie, most of them don't even have pictures on IMDB, probably because they never worked again after this movie. Now I love the Corny made for TV movies but this is just terrible, I expected better from Canada. Anyway the car is so fancy that the parts won't be in for a few days so they are stuck in this town that doesn't know what a latte is. And the town is so poor and in such hard times, they can't afford to put on their Christmas pageant. huh. But a hard headed waitress with legs the width of tree trunks refuses to be stopped, the show must go on! Eventually the family gets roped into helping and they put on the worst Christmas Pageant in history. And I think the Dad builds a ski resort there and saves the day. woop woop. so yeah... I guess if that's how we started our little marathon there is no way but up! On to better things! The Santa Clause starring Tim Allen (grunt grunt grunt). When I was younger I had a TV/VCR combo in my room and owned three movies, and this was one of them. So every third night I fell asleep to the sounds of the movie and it brought me right back! Its surprisingly cute, I've always liked Tim Allen and the little bowl-cutted boy who plays his sun is adorable. Basically Tim's character Scott Calvin (S.C. Get it?) scares Santa off the roof and he dies, Santa that is. A bit morbid for Christmas. There is a small note in his pocket that says put on the suit and the reindeer will know what to do. So Scott does and poof the reindeer take him and his son to the north pole where he finds out he is the new Santa. Because he didn't read the fine print, once the suit is on you must forever be Santa, until someone kills you essentially. He fights it for a while but then eventually gives in, mends his relationship with his son and ex wife and makes Judge Reinhold cry by giving him a weenie whistle. My favorite thing is that the Cocoa that comes out of the sleigh is as think as pudding - I never forgot that. Well done! I think there may even be a sequel! Who throws a shoe? Rather who writes a country song and then makes a made for TV movie about a shoe? I blame Bob Carlisle and his damned buttery kisses. He felt the need to write a little song of a young boy and his dying mother for the soul purpose of making people cry. Or if you are part of the dead Mom club, making you convulse to the point of dry heaving. I know it was a book first but it's his fault for adding the catchy little ditty to it. Thanks Bob. Anyway someone thought the world would be remiss if this was not turned into a made for TV movie starring Rob Lowe and the chick from Father of The Bride (who just so happens to married to Brad Paisley, a fellow country singer.) Aaaaaanyhoo, The Christmas Shoes as a movie is OKAY. Not great and not awful enough to be amazing (please see the above post on The Town Christmas Forgot). The mom is dying, the dad is running out of money and this kid really needs to buy these shoes, I mean REALLY. He REALLY needs these red silk Chinese inspired flats for his mother. Thank god for Rob Lowe, the hard working, forgets about his family and wife, doesn't quite get christmas, lawyer. His mom dies too. But he's the one that eventually gives the kid the money. I don't know why the cashier had to be such an ass. I mean really, this little boy is pleading and crying and just wants to buy his dying mother these damn shoes, are you seriously gonna be like "peace out?" I dunno, he gets the shoes and runs them home and I almost let a tear fall, ALMOST. But the sight of these little Asian flats and some sub par acting made it suck right back in. So I'm giving it an "eh." Oh! But the best part is, there is a sequel starring Dougie Howser! I think it's called The Christmas Blessing. The little boy is all grown up and a doctor and his mom is still dead and then he meets Rebecca Gayheart... and then we stopped watching. Maybe next year we'll see those shoes again. But for now I will bid them adieu with butterfly kisses.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The 25 Days of Christmas!

I don't know how it happened, but its here. Every year without warning that little bugger just creeps up behind you and WHAM! Its Christmas. I love Christmas, I always have, even though I do hit a bout of depression for the week following. It always happens, not sure why. Anyhoo, My Hubby and I have decided to watch something "Christmassy" Every day leading up to the main event. There are so many great, corney, crazy movies and shows to choose from I figured I would keep track on here. And its a way to force me to write, as you can see from my last post, I've been asleep for a few months! Now, we decided this Thanksgiving night while we were overdosed with Turkey and stuffing so we started then, but for the life of us we can't remember what we watched that night. That'll teach you to attempt a sandwich the size of Ryan Seacrest after you spent the whole day eating! Anyway Today is the First so I guess officially it starts now, even though we have already watched Fred Clause (awful don't even need to comment on it except it has a great cast that all fails together as a team.) Christmas Claymation (a childhood favorite to be touched upon later) The 12 men of Christmas (A feel good lifetime movie where a New York Exec - Kristen Chenoweth - looses everything and is forced to move to middle of nowhere blah blah blah realizes there's more to life than money, falls in love with Grayson from Cougar Town. Good Cheesy Stuff. Except Miss Anna Clumpsky, man she is one awful actress.) Saw 10 minutes of some awful lifetime movie with good ol' Joe from "Facts of Life" Will NOT be finishing that one. And then Last night we watched one of our absolute favorites. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. Classic. And will most likely appear on this list again closer to Christmas. What more could you want? Blood thirsty monsters, abusive adult figures, gay misunderstood dentists. It screams Christmas. Anyway I will make updates every few days of all the amazing, cheesy, terrifying Christmas Goodness that We watch. And if you have any suggestions please let us know!! Ho Ho Ho!