Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Phoebe or Phoebo?

Our little Youme is growing by the day! And very soon we will be able to tell if it's a little Pete or a little Katie! At first I thought without question that we wanted to know. But as the weeks passed I began to doubt if I wanted to. First off I can say that I have no real preference. That makes it seem like I don't care. What I mean is I would LOOOOOVE a boy or a girl!! I hope to have both at some point. So because I have no burning desire for one or the other, why should I find out?
Its been a really strange 18 weeks and it's still hard to believe that we are going to be parents. I love the idea of a surprise but really I think I need to know in order to bond a little better with what's going on. Right now I just feel fat. Not pregnant or motherly. Just fat. I have no symptoms (thank God) and I have not felt any movement yet so really this all just kind of seems like a big joke that everyone is in on to get me to lay off he wine.
I don't have a strong feeling either way. No hunches or strange dreams. I have taken a million gender prediction quizzes and they keep flip flopping. My Chinese Gender chart says girl most of the time but then on different sites will switch to boy. We tried the ring on a string and it twirled and sawyed at the same time so God knows what that means...
I feel like once I can put a gender to lil' Youme, it will all start to feel more real. I know once I start to feel kicks it will be real, but this is something I can know now! Plus my sister is preggo too and she is keeping it a secret, so I figured my Dad should have at least one heads up! It's so crazy to think about though.
I know there is pretty much a 50/50 chance and only two options but really for some reason the possibilities seem endless! I have reasons for wanting both so I know I will be happy either way.
I have raised over 30 children and boys are by far waaaaay easier than girls, especially when they are little. I have really fallen in love with every little boy I have nannied for and have a very special bond with them. I have always been more of a "guys girl" than a "girly girl" I just get along better with boys I guess. And my Mother in law already has two granddaughters so I would love to give her a Grandson. But boy names are allot harder to come up with. And if it was a boy I fear for every pregnancy I would be worried that I would never have a girl. I could have 500 boys, I just need one girl.
On the flip side, just the thought of a baby girl makes me feel gooey inside. Lord knows I already have the cutest clothes for her ready to go! We have a list a mile long of girls names we like. If Youme was a girl I could sit back and relax for the other pregnancies knowing I already had the one girl. And though it may seem a little hippy dippy, I really feel like my mom's presence is so strong now. And even though I know she will be a part of the baby no matter what, having it be a girl sort of solidifies that a bit more for me. My relationship with my Mom was cut way too short and raising a daughter, in way makes me feel like I'm getting some of that time back. The Mother/Daughter relationship really is like no other. And plus I feel like I deserve whatever I have coming to me haha I was an awful child and an even worse teenager so I need to pay for my sins and the only that way that's happening is with a daughter haha
So we shall see!! I know knowing will really put this whole experience into perspective for me and help me visualize. And I can't wait to add some gender specific things to my lists and to the nursery ideas. But who knows I could always change my mind at the last minute and decide to keep it a surprise. We'll know eventually if little Youme is a Phoebe or a Phoebo, a Sandrine or a Darwin. Any Friends fans out there? Maybe we'll just call Youme "Chandler" regardless of the sex. All we are care about is that it's happy and healthy... and cute... and smart... and popular... with an aptitude for science...
"Do I Look Like a Rain or a Dayton? God I hope my parents have better taste..."